I’ve learned to never ask someone how they got their amazing apartment. The answer is either illegal or legal and either way, you probably don’t want to know. I see no reason to awkwardly ruin a perfectly good friendship by commenting about what a great apartment someone has. Just quietly judge them and bask in beautiful apartment glory while it lasts. Don't believe me? Here are 10 possible reasons for having an incredible apartment:
5 illegal reasons:
- I’m a drug dealer. Would you like some drugs? No? We’re not friends any more.
- I killed the former tenant and now that I’ve told you, I have to kill you too.
- Tax scam. And now that I’ve told you, I have to kill you.
- This is my Dad’s mafia friend’s safe house. And now that I’ve told you, I have to kill you.
- I’m a prostitute! I have sexual intercourse with strangers for money! And now that I’ve told you, I have to kill you.
5 legal reasons:
- My boyfriend is married and he bought me this apartment so he can have sex with me any time he wants without his wife finding out. I love him very much and eventually, he will leave his wife for me, I just know it.
- Inheritance from dead mom. I’d give this place up and live on the street for the rest of my life if it meant I could have just one more day with her. Thanks for bringing it up.
- See how I don’t have a left foot? It got caught in a fish grinder and got ground up into fish paste. I sued the fish factory and the settlement paid for this place.
- I’m a stripper!
- I worked really hard at my job and saved up to afford a down payment. Maybe if you weren’t such a lazy ass, you could afford a nice place too.